Random things I've learned in/about Denmark

1.  You have to put salt in your dishwasher.  We don't have a water softener in our house, and the water here is pretty hard and full of calc, so it makes sense. But, we didn't discover this until we had lived here for almost 9 months.  Instead, I had been running a cup of vinegar in every other load.  My glasses and plates look much nicer now.

2.  I haven't driven a car in Denmark since we moved here, so for over a year.  

3.  Spiders here are super productive.   I don't know how my bicycle can be completely covered in a spider web after only one night of sitting, but it happens on more mornings than I care to think about.  And yes, I look like a crazy person when I get caught in a web...

4.  We have no screens on our windows. (Maybe this explains why there are so many spiders in our house).  But for the most part, a ton of bugs don't get into our house. I like to joke about it, but I think Danish bugs are just more evolved...they fly in the house and most of them fly right back out.

5.  Toilets have a different button for flushing #1 or #2.  

6.  Fart translates to speed.  I still laugh about this.

7.  Sam was talking to himself yesterday in Danish.  I still get amazed when listening to my kids and their bilingual language skills.   I don't ever second guess our school choice when I look at this aspect of it.  It's amazing how fast they learn.

8.  While I like the aspect that all outlet plugs are controlled by a on/off switch, I still get annoyed that the bathroom light switch is located OUTSIDE the door.  My kids don't share this sentiment, they think it's hilarious.

9. Danes love sweet pickles.  It's really hard to find a good dill pickle without it being sweet. 

10. Danes use the Danish flag to celebrate holidays and birthdays.  At school when it's your birthday you get to put the Danish flag on your desk.  

For more fun facts on Denmark check out this link:

http://facts.randomhistory.com/denmark-facts.html

ExPat Advice Topic 1: International Communication

We are quickly approaching our one year anniversary in Denmark -- a part of me cannot believe that a year has passed by so quickly and the other part is in awe at how much we have accomplished, seen, experienced and conquered...

I want to take some time to talk about some things we've encountered as a result of our international move -- for perspective -- or perhaps to help someone else who is considering an international move for themselves. This will be the first post in this series of topics -- today's topic is International Communication.

Communication is one of those things you take for granted until you really have to think about it. In my previous job, I had to help troubleshoot long-distance and international communication a great deal -- from Wisconsin to the interior of the Democratic Republic of Congo -- a place where communication just didn't exist until fairly recently. So, I was a bit prepared, to say the least. I knew that there were plenty of options for communication -- many of which worked really well -- and many of which were FREE!

As a result, when we first moved to Denmark, it didn't feel like we were thousands of miles away from our friends and family back home. Today's technology really makes it SO EASY to stay in touch. SMS messaging, FB messenger, Skype, Facebook, Email, Snail Mail, our MagicJack phone (that still has a US number), FaceTime, etc. The list goes on and on. And, most of these options are FREE. The biggest hardship has been the time difference -- not being able to chat with friends and family until the afternoon hours really limits the amount of time you have to communicate.

I know it seems like we've transitioned well in this transfer -- and truthfully it has been mostly smooth -- but I also don't want to make it seem like it was a walk in the park (see my earlier post on doing hard things). Our communication with friends and family has suffered to some degree, in fact, most of the online literature you'll read if you google 'staying connected with international family' will tell you that you should "Realize and accept that many of your friends (and even your family) back home will not be proactive about staying in touch with you when you move overseas. Just accept that if you want to stay in contact with key family and friends you will have to initiate most of the contact and make the lion’s share of the effort to keep these relationships going." Thankfully, with today's technology and a proactive approach with some of the suggestions below -- you can keep help to keep lines of communication open to the degree that the distance won't feel so great. And since communication is obviously a two way street, please know this -- if you are a friend or family member to someone living overseas -- or living far from home -- a little bit of communication goes a LONG way. Hopefully one or more of the suggestions below will resonate with you:

1) CHECK INs: There are so many ways to check-in with a friend that don't cost money and don't take a lot of time or effort. If you're on FB -- write on their timeline or send them a message. [Comments and likes are so impersonal and often times overlooked -- people have started liking their own posts for crying out loud (talk about narcissistic LOL)]. Send a short text message letting your friend know you are thinking about them. Write a personal email. Set up a Skype or FaceTime 'date'. Message them over FB Messenger -- you can even phone/video chat through FB messenger. Against technology? Write a letter (e.g. mail to Denmark from the US is fairly inexpensive -- the cost of a US International Forever Stamp). Pick up the phone and call.

2) MAKE THE CONVERSATIONS SHORT AND REAL-TIME: People often think that catching up over long distances needs to happen in one long sitting; this isn’t true. Short, regular bursts of interaction are often more effective and are easier to fit in your day-to-day life. I have personally found text messaging or SnapChat to be particularly useful in this respect (see also messaging apps below).

3) SELFIES: One of the best ways to lift your spirits on a bad day is to see the face of someone close to you. Distance doesn’t have to change this. Send pictures of yourself to each other. Perhaps you overslept this morning and you’re looking groggy and tired – take a picture of yourself just like that. It will add a level of honesty to your relationships. If you have children, get them to make funny faces and send to loved ones. One of my favorite past-times has been to make silly videos of myself singing popular songs in a chipmunk voice. HAHA, yes I just admitted that. And if someone makes fun of you for your selfies -- just ignore them (yes there are actually people rude enough to do this to your face).

4) INDIRECT TIME TOGETHER: Just because you aren't close in proximity doesn't mean you can't keep doing the things you like together! When I first moved here, I missed my running partner something fierce! It was so hard to stay motivated to run, and I really missed having her with me! We thought up a unique situation to keep ourselves accountable -- we ran a half marathon 'together' at the same time but across the ocean from each other! You could also schedule a time every month to watch the same movie, at the same time, in each of your individual homes. You don’t necessarily have to be in contact while watching the movie, but it will create the feeling of doing something together. Just like at home, you’re not always in the mood to keep a conversation going. Sometimes just doing something together silently is comforting too.

5) MESSAGING APPS: SnapChat, instant messengers like Whatsapp, iMessage, FaceTime, Skype, etc are paramount to your relationship. They enable you to send messages across borders for free and you can add pictures and voice notes when you don’t have the time or the patience to write. It’s easy to send a quick message asking how their day was or what they’re cooking for dinner. Skype is your second best friend, but your Skype conversations don’t always have to be boring. Pour yourselves a glass of wine on each end and play a game on a Friday night instead of going out.

6) KEEP YOUR DATES: If you have a date to phone each other, try your hardest not to cancel. Time differences and schedules will make it difficult for you to find a different time to catch up. Make this date just as important as a meeting with your boss would be.

7) BIRTHDAYS: I have friends who celebrate their birthday for an entire week or an entire month -- so it's no secret that birthdays are special and important days - ESPECIALLY FOR CHILDREN. Most young kids don't have a FB account but mom or dad likely does. Birthday wishes on FB have got to be one of the EASIEST ways to let someone know you are thinking about them. If it's too difficult to manage a phone call with the time difference or to mail a birthday card (FYI: International Forever stamps are not that expensive and are an easy way to send mail overseas from the US), send a message via FB, Skype, email or even text message! It might be hard to imagine, but birthdays can feel very lonely without your close friends and family around to celebrate with you -- this past year everyone in our family has experienced their 'first' birthday overseas. A big thank you to everyone who made a little extra effort towards our family during our first year here -- it was not overlooked, in fact it was cherished and greatly appreciated.

8) GET INTO HABITS: Small, regular habits can make all the difference, especially when life gets so busy that you can’t find time to fit in a decent conversation. Send a text the moment you wake up in the morning, or just before you go to bed at night. It only takes 10 seconds and it will keep the channel of communication open between you constantly.

9) EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS: Above all, remember that for a friend living overseas far from friends and family any little bit of effort counts -- and it IS recognized. There is never a 'too little' amount.

I hope these suggestions were helpful for perspective or for advice if you are making an international move soon. I can say without any hesitation that moving abroad has been a dream come true, but the one thing that has been really hard to deal with is not having friends and family close by. Obviously you can't really change that proximity thing, but with the right amount of effort from both parties, you can certainly make the distance gap feel A LOT smaller.

If this post was helpful for you and you would like to see any other topics/subjects on international living discussed, please feel free to leave that in the comments!

Combatting Loneliness with Gratitude

The Fourth of July 2016 fell on our 11 month anniversary of moving to Denmark. Back home, we would've been celebrating the holiday with family and friends, enjoying the warm weather swimming in a lake or pool, most likely enjoying a few drinks. Instead, I found myself living vicariously through my US friends from the pictures and posts they put on Facebook. There were no fireworks here to punctuate the quiet of the night; there were no loud parties or buffets of delicious smelling foods. The day was pretty much like any other Danish summer day: a bit chilly, a bit rainy, and a bit windy. With one exception...today felt a bit lonely too.

Over the past year, my emotions have run the full gamut. Excitement, elation, nervousness, gratitude, fear, frustration, amazement, pride; but it wasn't until very recently that loneliness started to creep in and overstay its welcome ...

It's funny because whether you live 15 miles or 4000 miles away from someone you can still feel lonely. It's all about being proactive with keeping lines of communication open. In today's day and age, technology makes it much easier to stay in touch, but that same technology can also make you feel lonely, left-out and sad. Hence the Facebook posts that usually made me feel happy and glad to see faces of my friends and family -- instead, today, made me feel sad and lonely.

So, to combat the loneliness I'm feeling right now, I decided to come up with a gratitude list. Instead of focusing on the negatives -- the things I'm missing out on -- I'm choosing to focus on the things that make me feel happy today, July 6, 2016 in Hørsholm, Denmark.

1) my bicycle and my walking shoes: it has been 11 months of not driving a car for me here in DK. Grocery shopping has definitely gotten much more creative :)

2) living on an island - technically Sjæland is an island which means we are surrounded by ocean!! It's 3 miles to the water from our house

3) caprese salads - seriously obsessed right now. I think the fresh basil from my garden helps :)

4) the sound of Ben's laugh.  

5) Pinterest and Instagram - feeding my crochet obsession with an endless supply of new ideas

6) wonderful neighbors and new friends - everyone we've met has been so wonderful and has really made us feel at home

7) Pilates - I've never felt stronger in my life.  I still enjoy my other fitness activities but I've met lots of new friends and learned to do things with my body I never thought possible.

8) unlimited adventures - it sure feels like we've got so much to do around us and that we've barely scratched the surface of all the cool things here -- and that's just in Denmark!  Europe is a whole new adventure!

9)  coffee - nuff said

10) my garden.  I was so excited to get my hands dirty and grow my own food here.  It reminds me of being at home with my garden.  

11) Is (also known as ice cream).  Thank goodness Danes love it as much as I do! Vi spiser kun is på dagen, der ender på 'dag'

12) a wonderful husband who is on the same page as me (most of the time) and loves and supports me

13) loving and supporting parents who choose to have an active and present role in our life not only by checking in with us regularly but also by making time to visit us.  They really are a treasure and I'm so thankful for them. 

14) my friends back home: I have truly been blessed with a wonderful group of friends that I've known for over 20 years.  We've seen each other through many firsts in our lives -- both happy and sad.  While being far apart from them makes my loneliness even more apparent, I am so grateful that I have them constantly reaching out to me.  It's almost as if they know or can read my mind at times.  I don't know what I would do without these friends -- you know who you are!  XOXO

Well look at that!  Without even having to think too hard I have found so many things in my life to be grateful for.  This was definitely a worthwhile exercise for me to help combat my sadness today.  How about you?  Could you use some gratitude in your life right now?  Try making your own list!  You don't have to make it public like mine, but if you want to share some of your thankfulness here in the comments I'd love to read it! ❤️❤️

Settling in, the new house - Denmark Adventures

On Wednesday, we took the opportunity to drive by our new house to scope it out from the outside.  We were so happy to see a nice sized yard (fenced in) and looking in to the house through the windows, everything looked so sunny and bright!

The house was pretty cute from the outside also.  We are on a corner lot, so that means we get a larger yard than most of the other houses.

View from the middle of the back yard.

I guess I forgot to take any pictures of the downstairs rooms, so I'll have to remedy that when we are there tomorrow to clean.  But in the meantime, here are some shots of the upstairs rooms.  It will be a bit of a challenge fitting our stuff into the rooms, but we will figure something out.  I'm not used to sloped ceilings and wardrobe type closets taking up valuable wall space so we might have to do some improvisation.

This will be Ben's room.  As you can see, to the right is a large wardrobe.  I think we will move that along the wall further to the right and put his crib where it is now.

The view looking the other way in his room.  This wall length desk eats up this entire wall!  I'm not sure if there is a way to remove it without damaging the wall, but that is what I would actually like to do if possible.

When you go up the stairs, Ben's room is directly straight ahead.  To the right is the bathroom (another reason we want his crib along the other wall, so it doesn't share a wall with the bathroom for noise reasons).

The bathroom is actually a really decent size!  It even has a bathtub, which is not common in Denmark, apparently.  The boys have already tested it out and it meets their approval.

There is also a large shower.

Ben was very excited by the bathtub and couldn't wait to try it out!

The first door to the left when you go up the stairs is the boys' room.  I'm fairly confident that we will be able to fit both their beds in here (unbunked) but not so sure about their dressers yet.  They are very excited about the built in desk in this room.

The two beds should fit along this wall.

I didn't get a good shot of it, but the built in desk is to my left just next to the large wardrobe.  Along the wall Max is standing on is a shelf that is attached to the wall -- I think if I can remove that somehow their dressers should fit there no problem.

The last door upstairs is for the master bedroom.  It should fit our queen sized bed fine.  It has two large wardrobes and some wall shelves.  We didn't bring our dressers, so if one of the boys' doesn't work in their room we could always steal it for the meantime...but we had planned to maybe buy a nice bedroom set while we were here.

Bed should go along this wall.  All the skylights can be opened, they swing inwards -- and all of them have built in shades that are super room darkening!  SO excited about that since it stays light until 10pm in summer!

View of the wardrobes and space where we could fit a dresser.  This other window is SO HUGE and lets in such gorgeous light too!

View looking back towards the door with the wall shelves.

 Everyone is getting restless staying at the hotel, so we've tried to spend a bit of time over at the house.  We did our first grocery store trip -- to Aldi (they had Trader Joe's stuff there) -- and bought this 'rug' to use as our picnic blanket.  There are a few pans here to use with the oven, and a microwave, so we are limited to the foods that we can cook for now.  But, I've started to get creative with my meal planning -- because we are all sick of eating out.

Picnic dinner time!

 Thursday we decided to take a trip to Ikea so that we could get a few staples.  Of course, poor planning got us there right around Ben's naptime, so he was a beast -- worse than normal.  And lately, he's been insisted that I hold him (UPPIE!!) and ONLY me.  So my left arm (because of course he doesn't like the other side) is going to be hulk-sized pretty soon and I am going to look weird.  I'd put him down and make him walk, but then he just starts screaming really loud and I start getting weird looks because -- why would you not pick up your baby, he's not even two!  So, whatever.  I pick him up.  

Anyways, Ikea.  We got a few things there, but most importantly, we purchased a few items that will contribute to our outdoor furniture when we get home -- from an Ikea set I've been coveting for over a year -- it is wood (so there is maintenance, but it should last a lot longer with good care) and gorgeous.  Because we both are hesitant spenders for larger items (and we could only fit so much in the trunk with three kids), we opted for only two chairs and one side table this trip -- enough for us to have a make shift dinner table.

And yes, this is what happens when you spend naptime at Ikea -- you pass out in the car on the ride home and your big brother sticks a basket on your head.

 Meanwhile, back at the home front we are starting to pile up some stinky laundry!  Max and I have both enjoyed ocean view runs while we are staying at the hotel.  So, now that we have keys to the house (and a functioning washer and dryer) I figured it was time to tackle the washing machine.  I have no idea what cycle I picked -- hope it was the right one!  The clothes seem clean....

What would you pick?

Little by little it is starting to become more of a home.  Can't wait for the rest of our stuff to get here -- hope it all fits!

More than anything else, this move has taught me about improvisation!  No wine glass?  No problem!  LOL

Last Day in the US = First Day in Denmark

It still seemed so surreal as we packed up our suitcases and loaded them into the van for the final trip.  We had finished up all the last minute details with selling the house, and saying our goodbyes.  We landed at my parents house for the rest of the afternoon (my parents have been complete LIFE SAVERS these past few weeks during our transition...watching the boys without hestitation, even overnight; helping with things at the house; giving advice, etc.).  There we loaded up on lunch and the boys packed their treat bags for the flight and we said our goodbyes to Granna and to Great Grandmother Madeleine and loaded up in the car with Grumps for the drive to O'Hare.

The drive there was fairly uneventful -- on false alarm puke stop for little Max -- dramamine hit the spot and calmed his nerves down.  Before we knew it, we were there!  

We attempted loading all 9 suitcases (plus 4 backpacks, 1 car seat bag filled with 2 booster seats, a stroller and Ben's car seat) onto one smart carte and somehow we managed to make it across the International Terminal with only minimal moaning from the boys and no broken arms/shoulders/fingers/legs.  Small miracles DO happen!  We checked our bags and started to head towards the bathroom when Max realized he had left his phone in the van!  A quick call to Grumps, who turned around and we got to say a second goodbye and grab the phone!

Security seemed to be a bigger nightmare than normal at O'Hare -- we waited over 20 mins in line just to get up to the screeners.  The boys were getting sick of waiting in lines by this point already - to which we just chuckled because we knew what was still to come...  Getting 5 people, bags, a car seat and a stroller through a TSA checkpoint is no small feat.  And, of course, the stroller needed special screening.  It then failed the swab test for combustibles (or something like that...Max was giving me minimal information because I was starting to get fiesty from having to wait so long...plus Ben had leaked through his diaper and his shorts were now wet.  Another 15 minutes later and finally the stroller (and Max) had cleared for their suspicion of sneaking in combustibles.

We grabbed a bit to eat and headed to our gate.  The boys had fun with the moving escalators.  Sam, true to his nature had to mark his territory at almost every bathroom we passed by...  The kids proceeded to get more excited and hyper as the night wore on -- seeing the big plane we would be riding on was exciting.  

In the process of gate checking our stroller, we got bumped up to Economy Plus!  More leg room, more drinks!  Wahoo!

We boarded the plane early -- which is one of the (*ahem only) perks of travelling with small children and got Ben's car seat strapped in and everyone settled in.  Spirits were high!

About an hour into the flight the boys were still occupied with their iPads and Ben was starting to get grumpy -- they hadn't turned off the overhead lights yet and he was pretty sleepy, so we just put his blanket over his head and that seemed to do the trick...

The boys found their earplugs and eye masks in their special Economy Plus bags and settled in for the night as well.

The flight was pretty uneventful...even if the minutes seemed to be creeping by.  Ben was unable to get in a comfortable sleeping position in the car seat, so after about 1.5 hrs of restless sleeping, we took him out and tried holding him.  He'd get into a comforatable position for a few minutes and then try to stretch out (unsuccesfully).  We tried a number of different positions until the stewardess suggested taking his seat out and letting him try to curl up on his seat.  He was able to find a few comfortable positions that allowed us to get maybe another 2 hrs of sleep.  I think we only got about 3-3.5 hrs total on our side.

Once in the Denmark airport, we tackled the hairy task of getting all our luggage out of the airport together.  Somehow (barely), we managed.  Max went to get the rental car and after a few re-directs, finally got us set up about 1.5-2 hrs later.  To say the kids were getting restless was an understatement.  Lucky me.

The kicker was when all our stuff wouldn't fit in the rental car (and I owe a huge middle finger to the 3 Danish gentlemen who just sat and stared at us in the garage and probably were making fun of us).  So little Max and I took the stroller and one suitcase and went to find a taxi.  We ended up arriving at the hotel around the same time.  

We unpacked, explored the beautiful hotel a little bit and then headed to the harbor to get some streetdogs and stretch our legs.

Overall, the trip over might not have gone smoothly, but we all arrived in one piece, with all our luggage, and all in mostly good spirits.  Though little Max has gone through quite a few variations of sentiments on his new home:

-  Mom, I think we might not live the full two years here -- like we might die before we go home because I can't breathe here.  (this was stated because of all the smokers around us and the lack of trees he could see at the airport).

- I don't like Denmark anymore, I want to live in Wisconsin for the rest of my life.

- It smells gross like fish here (when we got near the ocean)

- the water tastes like fish here

Luckily, he has turned his attitude around on day 2....but I can only imagine the variety of emotions that we will be experiencing (together).