2014 goals/resolutions

I took last year off from posting my goals on the blog, and I think that as a result I slacked off more.  I actually found the draft post (that I never published) and there was only one goal on there at the time...to run a half marathon.  So technically,  I accomplished my only goal for 2013 by running my very first half marathon (22.5 weeks pregnant)! And here you can check out my 2012 goals (and results)

I decided for 2014 to have 14 resolutions/goals.  So, without further ado, here they are in no particular order:

2014 resolutions

1) project 52 - in 2012 I started out with project 52 as a goal and then expanded it to a project 365.  That was hard enough to do with two kids..I don't even want to attempt it with 3.  But with Ben being so little, I know I'll be taking lots of photos and one a week should be easy to do...

2) accomplish one house project a month - this one is in part due to the fact that I need some motivation and accountability to keep on track with the house projects (big or small) that are piling up.  It includes any project I do or participate in (but not ones that max does without my help).  For projects on the professional level, as long as I am a part of the planning/decision making process, these count.

We've already started this resolution a little early in the kitchen!  Stay tuned for more details!

3) run another half marathon - I don't think I'll do the rock and sole one again, but maybe the Tyraneena or the trail run that max did in 2013...

4) find balance, or make changes in my life to regain it - as my maternity leave is nearing its end, I'm again faced with the torn feelings of being a split mom.  This time I am feeling those feelings more acutely.  I feel like there has to be some new change on the horizon...

5) take a class, learn something new - I had this on my list in 2012, but I didn't feel like I actually accomplished it.  Max corrected me that I DID learn to crochet, so I guess he was right,  I think for 2014 I want to learn to sew...

6) give away or donate something at least once a week - I've been feeling the need to purge, and especially since we are done adding to our family it will feel good to re-home some of our baby gear.

7) take better care of my body:  drink more water, stretch more, eat less sugar!

8) have a mommy and me date once a month with each boy.

9) read a non-work related book once a month

10) play the piano at least once a week for at least 30 mins

11) volunteer at school/chaperone field trips more for both boys

12) send/give a surprise kindness package to a friend once a month

13) have a date night with husband at least once a month

14) increase monthly savings - our 10 yr anniversary is in 2015 and I'd really like to take an awesome trip somewhere!!

So, there you have it!  My 14 goals for the new year.  What are your plans?  Any goals looming on your horizons?  I'll be checking in at the end of each month to report my progress, so keep posted!

Before this moment in time ends....

Today I hear …

My alarm jolting me awake from a pleasant, warm, cozy slumber...

A sleepy scuffle in the bathroom over who gets to use the potty first...

Whining over donning coats and shoes and riding in 'daddy's car' instead of 'mommy's car'...

Audible groans when I announce that its dinner time and the menu doesn't include cheesy noodles...

Two little boys arguing up the stairs over if they will take a bubble bath or a shower...and if bubbles will be involved or not.



But I also hear...

The soft whisper of 'hi mom' as a little head peeks over the side of my bed.  Hair still tousled from a pillow and cheeks still flushed from sleep.  Little fists rubbing the last bits of sleep from droopy eyes.  And then an "I love you.  You are the best."  (Who wouldn't want to wake up to that?)

The dog pacing downstairs and wishing everyone a good morning with a hearty howl...

The pitter patter of little feet running back and forth in the upstairs hallway...finding socks and underwear.  Little voices asking "Daddy do I wear pants or shorts today?"

Soft pleading for one more bedtime story from a damp-headed little boy snuggled deep onto what is left of mommy's lap...

Begging for just one more 'hug and kiss' as I shut the bedroom door....

Giggles and 'shhhs!' echoing over the monitor from the boys' room as they get the last bit of wiggles out before surrendering to sweet sleep...

This is what my life sounds like today.

And if I close my eyes and listen very carefully, the noises are overshadowed by the sweet sounds of life...

Today I see …

Dishes piling up in the kitchen sink...

Crumbs under the table...

Piles of half-finished craft projects taking over the dining room...

Cobwebs in the corners and toys scattered all over the playroom floor...

Dirty underwear tossed just outside the laundry hamper...

But I also see …

Tiny fingers entwined while running together  through the yard to a secret 'jungle hideout'...

Soft heads snuggled up on the make-shift pillow of a big dog's back...

Artwork covered in hearts and 'MOM' or 'DAD'....

Eyes twinkling while little ones recount the days' adventures at school and all the new things that were learned...

Eyes widening in disbelief, shock and amazement as the baby inside me moves my body in ways that little boys can't imagine possible....


This is what my life looks like today.

And if I open my eyes and look very carefully, the mess fades away behind the perfectness and beauty of the everyday.

Today I feel …

Large and bloated and stretched to my limit...

Tightness in my shoulders and neck...

Rushed and scattered and forgetful because of too much going on all at once...

Stuck between not doing enough, doing too much, and doing a mediocre job just to get it done...

Worried and paranoid about all the what-ifs in life...

Frightened and saddened over changes I have little control over and the anticipation that things may not all fall into place like in my dreams... 

But I also feel …

Wiggles, kicks, rolling and hiccups...just when I need a reminder of the miracle of life growing inside of me...

Little arms stretching to hug the vast expanse of my mid-section and little lips kissing my belly while whispering "I love you little baby, I can't wait to meet you"... 

Pride as I see the look of accomplishment wash over the face of a little boy who often times lacks confidence in himself and his abilities...

Strong arms surrounding me from behind while I heat up the water for my tea, hugging me and assuring me that I am still beautiful in his eyes...

Gentle licks and nuzzles from our furry babies in greeting when we arrive home from a long day of work and school...

This is what my life feels like today.

And if I open my arms as wide as they will go, I can embrace all that lifts me up to cast away all that brings me down... 

Today I smell …

The smell of exhaust from the truck in front of me on my way to work...

Over-ripe half-eaten bananas returning home in lunchboxes...

The smell of dog 'ick' that needs to be picked up around the yard...


But I also smell …

Fresh cut grass as one more chore gets knocked off the to-do list...

Popcorn on the stove in preparation for movie night...

The sweet smell of freshly washed hair nuzzled under my chin during bedtime snuggles...

This is what my life smells like today.

And if I breathe deeply, the comforting smells of life overpower the odors of distraction...

This is my life today.

It is not perfect in any way.  It makes me cringe, hide, and cry at times.  It won't win me any awards for mom of the year.  It is exhausting at times...

But when I truly open my eyes, my arms, and my heart, what truly matters most becomes so obvious and apparent that it would be impossible to not be thankful and appreciative for the parts that make the hard times worth it.  The realization often leaves me breathless and humbled.  

With that perspective in place, in these moments I would gladly give up the 'ideal' life -- the one with the picture-perfect house, with perfect clothes, perfect food, everything perfectly perfect in its proper place...

Because life is messy...life is noisy...life is full of beautiful imperfections...and despite all that, I am living a life that already has everything I could ever want or need:  my husband, my children, my friends, my family, my faith.

What a treasure Today was... for revealing itself to me so fully and completely and unashamedly.  Thank you, Today, for allowing me to see beyond your imperfections and to reveal all your hidden goodness.

Thirty Days of Thankfulness: Day 7

I am thankful that I have kids that are willing to do chores and do them happily....

My Strong-Willed Four Year Old

These past few weeks we've been going through a lot of  'behavioral challenges' at our house.  Our normally sweet, funny and silly four year old has been testing boundaries like they are no body's business.  The majority of it has culminated in potty language or talking back or stomping away while muttering something under his breath.  But, there have been a few times where it has resulted in hitting -- and this isn't just happening at home to mom or dad, we've had reports of him hitting at school too (both classmates AND teachers).  I have no tolerance for children hitting in my house -- neither does school, so this HAS to end.

Punishing or reprimanding him when this happens results in large tear-fests or temper tantrums.  Then I find myself asking: Am I getting my point across by implementing a time out or are we just having a power struggle and neither of us learns the lesson at the end?  Is there a better way that I could handle the situation?  Probably...I am open to any and all suggestions...

I have to admit, though this should be the least of my concerns, I am embarrassed by his behavior.  I find myself blaming myself as his mother -- that he somehow must be learning to do this at home.  I know I'm not a perfect mother -- after a long day I might snap back or have a shorter than normal fuse.  I'm only human; I have to admit that.  I do try to recognize when it happens and apologize to him and ask for a 'do over'. 

Is it coming from somewhere deeper.  Is it an inability to find the words to express his frustration? Maybe; he is 4 years old with quite an extensive vocabulary, but maybe he can't find the words quickly enough.  Is it a lack of practice in patience and not being able to hold back his frustrations?  Probably; don't we all have problems with that from time to time?  Is it just a cry for attention?  Once he gets my attention by throwing the fit, saying the naughty words or striking out he seems to calm down.  I just want my boys to grow up to be nice people, kind people, empathetic people -- how can I make this be a reality?

Why am I sharing this with you?  I don't really know...maybe there are some of you out there who are dealing with things like me (I know of some of you already)...and maybe, just maybe what I've been going through can help you or you can help me.

Maybe it is just to get this off my chest in a public way so I can't pretend it's not happening anymore or ignore it... Honestly, I don't know why I'm sharing this here...so please bear with me.  :)

What have we tried so far?  Re-directing, removal from the situation, time outs, loss of privileges -- none of it seems to be working.  I think we need a new strategy and quick. I have a few ideas.

But first, I have to share with you one thing that has been weighing on my mind since my husband brought it home from Parent/Teacher conferences on Monday (no I wasn't there because I totally spaced out on it and FORGOT...BAD MOM). 

Max's teacher interviewed the kids and asked them all sorts of questions:  their names, their address, their parents name, etc. 

One question in particular struck a real chord with me:

What does your mom do?  "type on the computer while we play"

Max read this to me and made fun of me.  It was particularly funny when you read the next question:

What does your dad do?  "wash the dishes"  BAHAHAHA.

But I digress -- is this how my child sees me?  As a computer typing maniac that doesn't spend time with him?  Because that is EXACTLY how I am reading it.  And then it got me to thinking.  Back at the beginning of 2012 I posted my goals for the year.  Remember #7?  Let me refresh your memory:

"7. Be more present in the moment -- it is amazing to me how many times I comment on or realize how fast life goes by -- how my youngest is ALREADY 20 months old...it seems like he was just born. I want to be more in the moment to be experiencing all these moments in their childhood. It seems silly that I should need to remind myself to be more present, but I do. There are so many distractions out there -- Internet, magazines, TV, etc."

You guys, I am SO FAILING at this.  INCREDIBLY AND HORRIBLY FAILING. 

So, before I go analyzing anything more about what might be 'wrong' with my four year old, or wrong about my behavior or his, I am going to fix this one thing.  Because I have a strong feeling that it is going to make a huge difference.  And I will let you know how that goes.

So, my strategy for now is to:
1.  Be more present in the moment -- be a MOM to my kids and not just "mom" my kids
2.  No hitting and no yelling at home period.  Even when a swat to the bottom is tempting or I feel I am losing my cool, none. This might be hard, but I HAVE to be vigilant.
3.  Give more choices.  A good friend passed along this article to me, and reading through it I felt like I was reading about my child.  I don't WANT to break his spirit -- it is part of what makes him so incredibly adorable to me.  I need to remember that his 'big passionate feelings' are important (and oh man does that describe ME to a "T" also!!)

And at the end of it, I hope this is what I get to see more of every day:

None of this will happen over night.  I know it takes time to make change happen -- just like going on a diet or learning to eat right.  This will not be easy and it will be a challenge.  But, isn't that life?  And in the end, isn't it worth it?  I DEFINITELY think so...

**photos courtesy of Shannon Wucherer Photography**