My alarm jolting me awake from a pleasant, warm, cozy slumber...
A sleepy scuffle in the bathroom over who gets to use the potty first...
Whining over donning coats and shoes and riding in 'daddy's car' instead of 'mommy's car'...
Audible groans when I announce that its dinner time and the menu doesn't include cheesy noodles...
Two little boys arguing up the stairs over if they will take a bubble bath or a shower...and if bubbles will be involved or not.
But I also hear...
The soft whisper of 'hi mom' as a little head peeks over the side of my bed. Hair still tousled from a pillow and cheeks still flushed from sleep. Little fists rubbing the last bits of sleep from droopy eyes. And then an "I love you. You are the best." (Who wouldn't want to wake up to that?)
The pitter patter of little feet running back and forth in the upstairs hallway...finding socks and underwear. Little voices asking "Daddy do I wear pants or shorts today?"
Soft pleading for one more bedtime story from a damp-headed little boy snuggled deep onto what is left of mommy's lap...
Begging for just one more 'hug and kiss' as I shut the bedroom door....
Giggles and 'shhhs!' echoing over the monitor from the boys' room as they get the last bit of wiggles out before surrendering to sweet sleep...
This is what my life sounds like today.
And if I close my eyes and listen very carefully, the noises are overshadowed by the sweet sounds of life...
Today I see …
Dishes piling up in the kitchen sink...
Crumbs under the table...
Piles of half-finished craft projects taking over the dining room...
Cobwebs in the corners and toys scattered all over the playroom floor...
Dirty underwear tossed just outside the laundry hamper...
Crumbs under the table...
Piles of half-finished craft projects taking over the dining room...
Cobwebs in the corners and toys scattered all over the playroom floor...
Dirty underwear tossed just outside the laundry hamper...
But I also see …
Tiny fingers entwined while running together through the yard to a secret 'jungle hideout'...
Soft heads snuggled up on the make-shift pillow of a big dog's back...
Artwork covered in hearts and 'MOM' or 'DAD'....
Eyes twinkling while little ones recount the days' adventures at school and all the new things that were learned...
Eyes widening in disbelief, shock and amazement as the baby inside me moves my body in ways that little boys can't imagine possible....
This is what my life looks like today.
Artwork covered in hearts and 'MOM' or 'DAD'....
Eyes twinkling while little ones recount the days' adventures at school and all the new things that were learned...
Eyes widening in disbelief, shock and amazement as the baby inside me moves my body in ways that little boys can't imagine possible....
This is what my life looks like today.
And if I open my eyes and look very carefully, the mess fades away behind the perfectness and beauty of the everyday.
Today I feel …
Large and bloated and stretched to my limit...
Tightness in my shoulders and neck...
Rushed and scattered and forgetful because of too much going on all at once...
Stuck between not doing enough, doing too much, and doing a mediocre job just to get it done...
Worried and paranoid about all the what-ifs in life...
Frightened and saddened over changes I have little control over and the anticipation that things may not all fall into place like in my dreams...
Tightness in my shoulders and neck...
Rushed and scattered and forgetful because of too much going on all at once...
Stuck between not doing enough, doing too much, and doing a mediocre job just to get it done...
Worried and paranoid about all the what-ifs in life...
Frightened and saddened over changes I have little control over and the anticipation that things may not all fall into place like in my dreams...
But I also feel …
Wiggles, kicks, rolling and hiccups...just when I need a reminder of the miracle of life growing inside of me...
Little arms stretching to hug the vast expanse of my mid-section and little lips kissing my belly while whispering "I love you little baby, I can't wait to meet you"...
Pride as I see the look of accomplishment wash over the face of a little boy who often times lacks confidence in himself and his abilities...
Strong arms surrounding me from behind while I heat up the water for my tea, hugging me and assuring me that I am still beautiful in his eyes...
Gentle licks and nuzzles from our furry babies in greeting when we arrive home from a long day of work and school...
Wiggles, kicks, rolling and hiccups...just when I need a reminder of the miracle of life growing inside of me...
Little arms stretching to hug the vast expanse of my mid-section and little lips kissing my belly while whispering "I love you little baby, I can't wait to meet you"...
Pride as I see the look of accomplishment wash over the face of a little boy who often times lacks confidence in himself and his abilities...
Gentle licks and nuzzles from our furry babies in greeting when we arrive home from a long day of work and school...
This is what my life feels like today.
And if I open my arms as wide as they will go, I can embrace all that lifts me up to cast away all that brings me down...
Today I smell …
The smell of exhaust from the truck in front of me on my way to work...
Over-ripe half-eaten bananas returning home in lunchboxes...
The smell of dog 'ick' that needs to be picked up around the yard...
But I also smell …
Over-ripe half-eaten bananas returning home in lunchboxes...
The smell of dog 'ick' that needs to be picked up around the yard...
But I also smell …
Fresh cut grass as one more chore gets knocked off the to-do list...
Popcorn on the stove in preparation for movie night...
The sweet smell of freshly washed hair nuzzled under my chin during bedtime snuggles...
This is what my life smells like today.
Popcorn on the stove in preparation for movie night...
The sweet smell of freshly washed hair nuzzled under my chin during bedtime snuggles...
And if I breathe deeply, the comforting smells of life overpower the odors of distraction...
This is my life today.
It is not perfect in any way. It makes me cringe, hide, and cry at times. It won't win me any awards for mom of the year. It is exhausting at times...
But when I truly open my eyes, my arms, and my heart, what truly matters most becomes so obvious and apparent that it would be impossible to not be thankful and appreciative for the parts that make the hard times worth it. The realization often leaves me breathless and humbled.
With that perspective in place, in these moments I would gladly give up the 'ideal' life -- the one with the picture-perfect house, with perfect clothes, perfect food, everything perfectly perfect in its proper place...
It is not perfect in any way. It makes me cringe, hide, and cry at times. It won't win me any awards for mom of the year. It is exhausting at times...
But when I truly open my eyes, my arms, and my heart, what truly matters most becomes so obvious and apparent that it would be impossible to not be thankful and appreciative for the parts that make the hard times worth it. The realization often leaves me breathless and humbled.
With that perspective in place, in these moments I would gladly give up the 'ideal' life -- the one with the picture-perfect house, with perfect clothes, perfect food, everything perfectly perfect in its proper place...
Because life is messy...life is noisy...life is full of beautiful imperfections...and despite all that, I am living a life that already has everything I could ever want or need: my husband, my children, my friends, my family, my faith.
What a treasure Today was... for revealing itself to me so fully and completely and unashamedly. Thank you, Today, for allowing me to see beyond your imperfections and to reveal all your hidden goodness.
What a treasure Today was... for revealing itself to me so fully and completely and unashamedly. Thank you, Today, for allowing me to see beyond your imperfections and to reveal all your hidden goodness.
1 comment:
So absolutely beautiful, Stef. Perfect way to notice all that is around you in these perfect and challenging moments.
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